roses thorns

memories; that’s kind of what’s left of her

I don’t even laundry my bed sheets, cause her smell still lingers everytime I try to close my eyes, it’s the combination of rose and vanilla

I used to hate roses though for real, it’s the most cliche thing for everyone who tries to be romantic, kind of bullshit, but it’s my favorite flower in the world now, especially the white ones, cause she used to plant them and put them by my apartment window

she used to throw away the thorns before planting them cause one time it hurt her little finger, and messed up her nail polish and she cried a little bit but she was okay I guess

she hated roses thorns ever since

and we used to watched the sun went down through my window because she said she liked sun sets, and she also liked roses, so i couldn’t imagine how happy she was having them both

she used to talk about how she would grow a garden filled with roses and roses only and placed it inside my apartement room, well i couldn’t say a thing, i wanted her to keep talking and talking cause her voice sounded like a lullaby to me

she hated lullabies

we used to scratch each other’s back before we went to sleep, and talk about the most nonsense thing about the universe which led her into talking about her childhood, and how  she said she wanted to be an astronaut cause she thought it was cool, then she just fell asleep on my arm

I found her crying in the middle of the night cause she said she had nightmares and she was so afraid that her hands were shaking, so i tucked her back in and held her until she believed i was her home and she felt safe

she used to joke about being a president and laugh about it, well i couldn’t say a thing, i wanted her to keep talking and talking cause her voice still sounded like a lullaby to me

she still hated lullabies

I took the painkillers (I had to) only because i thought it would at least get rid of this bizzare painful feeling in my chest, but the pain didn’t really go away

I used to skip breakfast and lunch cause I was a very busy man, but having lunch and breakfast is kind of a habit now, cause i thought it would fill the holes and emptiness in my body, but it doesn’t really work i guess, cause i still can’t breathe everytime i recall the day she put my apartement keys on my coffee table and left

she didn’t grab her clothes or her toothpaste, or anything, she only took her bike and just left

not even a final warning, not even a goodbye kiss

i question myself everyday; 

how can you not love someone anymore? Does it just kind of happen? do you wake up in the morning and decide not to love the person who share your bed with everyday? What did i do? Was it because I poured too much sugar on your coffee? But I made a new coffee for you, with only 2 spoon of sugar. Was it because I let the windows open every night? But I let you had my blanket all by yourself. Was it because we argued over a tv show? But I let you win everytime. Was it because I never cooked dinner?I tried to but you hated it so we ordered chinese instead.

she didn’t realize she also planted roses inside of me, and oh my god I swear it was the realest thing that had ever happened in my entire life

I’ve waited for her to come back, I ‘ve waited for her everyday, cause she left her roses, I was so sure she would come and get them, cause she said she loved roses

I used to water them every two days, cause that was what she used to remind me, only for them to grow even prettier and she wouldn’t be upset when she finally came to take them home with her

she said she loved roses

she said she loved roses

but she never came back..

I guess I was only her thorn that she got rid of eventually