memories; that’s kind of what’s left of her
I don’t even laundry my bed sheets, cause her
smell still lingers everytime I try to close my eyes, it’s the combination of
rose and vanilla
I used to hate roses though for real, it’s the
most cliche thing for everyone who tries to be romantic, kind of bullshit, but
it’s my favorite flower in the world now, especially the white ones, cause she
used to plant them and put them by my apartment window
she used to throw away the thorns before
planting them cause one time it hurt her little finger, and messed up her nail
polish and she cried a little bit but she was okay I guess
she hated roses thorns ever since
and we used to watched the sun went down through
my window because she said she liked sun sets, and she also liked roses, so i
couldn’t imagine how happy she was having them both
she used to talk about how she would grow a
garden filled with roses and roses only and placed it inside my apartement
room, well i couldn’t say a thing, i wanted her to keep talking and talking
cause her voice sounded like a lullaby to me
she hated lullabies
we used to scratch each other’s back before we
went to sleep, and talk about the most nonsense thing about the universe which
led her into talking about her childhood, and how she said she wanted to
be an astronaut cause she thought it was cool, then she just fell asleep on my
arm
I found her crying in the middle of the night
cause she said she had nightmares and she was so afraid that her hands were
shaking, so i tucked her back in and held her until she believed i was her home
and she felt safe
she used to joke about being a president and
laugh about it, well i couldn’t say a thing, i wanted her to keep talking and
talking cause her voice still sounded like a lullaby to me
she still hated lullabies
I took the painkillers (I had to) only because i
thought it would at least get rid of this bizzare painful feeling in my chest,
but the pain didn’t really go away
I used to skip breakfast and lunch cause I was a
very busy man, but having lunch and breakfast is kind of a habit now, cause i
thought it would fill the holes and emptiness in my body, but it doesn’t really
work i guess, cause i still can’t breathe everytime i recall the day she put my
apartement keys on my coffee table and left
she didn’t grab her clothes or her toothpaste,
or anything, she only took her bike and just left
not even a final warning, not even a goodbye
kiss
i question myself everyday;
how can you not
love someone anymore? Does it just kind of happen? do you wake up
in the morning and decide not to love the person who share your bed with
everyday? What did i do? Was it because I poured too much sugar on your coffee?
But I made a new coffee for you, with only 2 spoon of sugar. Was it because I
let the windows open every night? But I let you had my blanket all by yourself.
Was it because we argued over a tv show? But I let you win everytime. Was it
because I never cooked dinner?I tried to but you hated it so we ordered chinese
instead.
she didn’t realize she also planted roses inside
of me, and oh my god I swear it was the realest thing that had ever happened in
my entire life
I’ve waited for her to come back, I ‘ve waited
for her everyday, cause she left her roses, I was so sure she would come and
get them, cause she said she loved roses
I used to water them every two days, cause that
was what she used to remind me, only for them to grow even prettier and she
wouldn’t be upset when she finally came to take them home with her
she said she loved roses
she said she loved roses
but she never came back..
I guess I was only her thorn that she got rid of
eventually
